I was quite surprised when I was cast as John Proctor. Although I didn’t know anything about the play or that it ran a parallel to the McCarthyism in 1950’s America, I did know that there was going to be a lot of work to do for the part.

During the first few rehearsals I was finding it difficult. I felt that I had to reach a high standard very early. And when I wasn’t I became very angry with myself and I began to regret getting the part. But I managed to convince myself to carry on – I wasn’t going to give in this easily. Eventually, people stopped making suggestions about how I should play the part - so I assumed I was getting it right.

When we first started rehearsals I had to disagree with what I was being told to do. John Proctor was being formed as an aggressive man with a lot of hatred – in particular to his wife, Elizabeth. (The opening of Act 2). This did not feel comfortable at all. Even though I didn’t know the character that well enough, I did know that he still loved Elizabeth and wouldn’t be so angry with her. The group said that the only reason I wasn’t showing the anger was because I’m not that type of person. But I’m acting. I can act anger. I can convey the emotion on the stage without any problems. But what sort of anger? At first we were looking at Proctor yelling his head off at Elizabeth and maybe even hitting her. I still wasn’t happy about this. After many rehearsals I believe I finally did it. What I conveyed in the end was anger, but it was kept down, as though Proctor was raising his anger, but at the same time was trying to calm himself down. This also kept the energy running smoothly. One problem we had was that during the dress rehearsal, Elizabeth and Proctor’s argument erupted so high that when Hale entered, it was as if we were riding higher than we were able to go. This resulted in us tiring ourselves out too early and our voices being strained.

I’ve always found it hard to talk about character development. I’m unsure of how to describe what I did to get the final result. To be honest, it isn’t a lot. No matter how much I read around the part or how much people tell me about the character, I never seem to get anywhere. So I keep asking myself, how do I do it? Would you believe me if I said ‘it just happens’? Usually about two weeks before the performance it suddenly happens – I begin to understand the character and what makes him think, how he walks and talks, what his motives are and so on. The character then becomes a part of me. It’s as if they are alive and take control over me, while I just step aside and watch.

But I am aware of my control. Stanislavki said that it is psychologically dangerous to let the character lead the way and control you. I must admit, there were times when I didn’t feel in control of what I was doing. But on the last night, I honestly felt something different. It was as though the character and myself had merged equally together. Inside I was Richard Cope, but on the outside I was John Proctor. And we worked together. Also on that night, for the first time ever, I completely forgot my next line during a small speech. Inside I was slowly panicking, but outside I just hung my head as though to say Proctor was finding it hard to say his thoughts. Elizabeth then took my hand and softly said ‘John’, and then it came back to me and I continued. Although I was aware of what happened, it didn’t stop me at all from continuing with the scene.

I’ve learnt a lot while playing John Proctor, and group has helped too. Although it wasn’t easy to get there, especially with a restless Easter break, the group helped me through and have given me the confidence to carry on.